Tuesday 8th December

Recently I have been working in a school for children with profound disabilities.   Im a Jo Jingles class teacher - which basically means that I sing and jump up and down with a bunch of three year olds for a living.   It's great fun, but up until September this year Id pretty much only worked with children in regular nurseries and playgroups.  In September I was asked to go into this special needs school to work with much older children who have varying levels of disability.   Many have no speech.  Lots have challenging behaviour.  Some are in wheelchairs or in beds.  All of them need a massive amount of input from teachers and helpers to do the simplest of tasks.

I have learned a few things in the past couple of months.

1) I am in love with some of these kids.   There is a deep and wonderful connection with some of them which transcends the need for words.  It happens with a look.  A gaze.  A communication of spirits somehow.   Hard to describe but there are several young people there who I would happily adopt and bring home with me because they are very special indeed.

2) People who work in the school are amazing.  Truly amazing.  They spend their lives dealing with very challenging behaviour, trying to communicate with and understand locked in and deeply frustrated young people .  Painstakingly working on the smallest tasks with huge patience in order to develop basic skills in young people.  They approach their work with humour and grace and a huge amount of love.  Hats off.  Respect.  I couldnt do it.  Im exhausted after an hour!!

3) There is huge meaning in the small things.  Over the past weeks I have seen flashes of real life and joy in young people who are participating in my music sessions.   Last week one girl who is often slumped pretty lifelessly in a wheelchair suddenly went wild with the bells she was playing - throwing her arms in the air and stamping her feet.  Thoroughly enjoying herself. Experiencing something good.   I often blow bubbles for the children - cos let's face it everyone loves bubbles.  There's something entrancing and wonderful about bubbles.   The smiles on faces of even the most closed down children when the bubble pot come out.....    priceless.   One girl has no speech at all but she makes a noise for bubbles.  As soon as she sees me coming across the car park she is up at the window and making the noise.   She sits through the whole class not really interested in anything much except the bubbles - which usually come at the end.  Her delight at popping them is so wonderful.

4) There is huge value in every life.
Each week when I come away from the school I think about the parents of these children, their siblings and wider families.  About how difficult life must be for them and how scary the future must look.  And yet Im also aware that these young people are precious.  They are much loved.  Each is a personality -  even the ones who can barely lift their heads or who find it impossible to control their outbursts of difficult behaviour.    I suspect that many families would consider themselves blessed despite all the difficulties.

Disability is a challenging thing.  It makes us feel uncomfortable because we don't have common reference points, we arent sure how we are supposed to feel and respond and behave.  But looking at my young friends in the special needs school I sometimes wonder which of us in the more disabled.   They might have bodies which dont work and minds which are limited - but their souls are so often open and unsullied.  They are without pretence.  They say exactly what they think.   They demonstrate how they feel without all the filters of social niceties.  They don't respond to sarcasm or subtle nuance - they respond to love and praise and music and real relationships.   When I have spent time with them I feel exposed in some way - as if I have been in the presence of holiness.  And perhaps I have. Because I am pretty sure that God loves to hang out with those guys even more than I do,